The music is all around us. All you have to do, is

Merry Christmas to my flist and to all my bbs at OYIDB! I have 40 cards that I bought at Target. I was wondering if anyone would like me to send them a Christmas card! Comments are screened so if you want one, give me your address and stuff!

VoicePost 569K 2:53

(no transcription available)

voice post meme questions

1) What's your name?
2) How old are you?
3) Where are you from? Are you living there right now?
4) Is it cold where you are?
5) What's the time?
6) What are you wearing?
7) What was the last thing you listened to?
8) What was the last thing you ate?
9) What was the last thing you watched on tv?
10) What's your favorite tv show? Why?
11) Quick! Find a book, or something with text on it! Flip to a random page and read some of it! GO!
12) What was the last movie you saw? How was it?
13) Do YOU think you have an accent? Talk about that.

So, I lost another friend yesterday afternoon. I think if anything, I'm more pissed about it than angry. Before I talk about the events leading up to this, I just want to say that:

THIS IS NOT A POLITICS POST. THIS IS JUST A POST EXPLAINING THE DRAMA THAT HAD HAPPENED. SO DON'T FLY DOWN MY THROAT WHEN I'M NOT LOOKING TO CAUSE TROUBLE.

Okay, anyway. So, yesterday I was posting about how I was happy Obama won a Nobel Peace Prize. Do I think the NPP committee was early in doing this? Hell yes. Does he deserve it? I don't know. And even Obama was confused. Nonetheless, I was still happy for him. The NPP committee has always given prizes away to people that don't even deserve it. So, whatever blah blah.

This former friend of mine is so anti-Obama. Which is completely FINE with me. She's always picking fights with me about Obama's presidency. Such as when she complained that he didn't "do enough" for the Olympics to be hosted here. I shut her down quick. Then, she started topic-hopping different issues. The girl doesn't know a THING about what she's talking about. So she ends the topic jumping with illegal immigrants. I told her "hey look. Since this is happening in YOUR state, it's a STATE GOVERNMENT issue FOR THE TIME BEING." She told me I was stupid and that I don't know what I'm talking about since I don't live in a border state. Oh, ok. By the way, she is a bigtime racist. Oh, and she's like 26 or something. Maybe 27.


So whatever, we haven't had a civil conversation in WEEKS and yesterday she IMs me OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE and starts harassing me about why I am so glad Obama got a NPP. I basically gave her the explanation I posted a couple paragraphs ago, and then told her about the people that have won Nobel Peace Prizes in the past. Henry Kissinger, Woodrow Wilson (who failed the League of Nations and was a bigtime racist) and Theodore Roosevelt...I can't remember why this was off the top of my head. So I tell her this and she retaliates this with "Did you learn this on your own or are you reading this from your friends blogs?"

BITCH YOU DID NOT JUST INDIRECTLY CALL ME STUPID.

So she starts copying and pasting shit to me, and by this point I'm done arguing because A) She was looking to start a fight and B) It's like talking to a brick wall. So I said to her, "Look, you don't like Obama. I know that, and I understand that. But in the end, my opinions are my opinions and your opinions are yours. I'm not going to start IMing random people I haven't talked to in a few days and asking them why they believe what I don't."

By the time I typed that out and hit "enter", she told me she was done with me and ordered me to remove her from all her profiles.

I was raging so hard. As if that wasn't bad enough, I got a Facebook message from her later which REALLY made me rage. She basically blamed my Depression as the reason why she was ending our friendship. She said that she dreads when I IM her because she doesn't want a sob story. She says I don't care enough about other people and that I need to realize other people have problems. She says that I keep making excuses and that I'm the only reason why I'm miserable.

NOW THIS SHIT PISSED ME OFF. Here are a few things I need to clear:

1) When I'm in a bad mood, I put up my away message and let people KNOW I'm in a bad mood. If not an away message, I'll give some kind of hint, letting them know. This girl nevertheless IMs me and tries to fix my problems when they can't be fixed.

2) She says I don't care about other peoples' problems? I talk to more people than her. And I care about people so fucking much. My caring for people can extend from Ohio to fucking Italy. I'm ALWAYS putting people before myself. Very rarely do I put myself above others, but sometimes it's okay to do that. Not to mention, I've helped this girl edit her homework. I've listened to her when she rants about her problems, but most of her problems consist of money and rent issues, her wedding, and other stuff...I'm 22 years old and I live with my parents...how am I supposed to relate to her problems?

3) My options are limited right now. I can't afford to go back to school, I don't have a job, and I still don't have my drivers license. Excuses, yes, but I'm doing whatever I can right now to turn some of these things around.

4) I'm a very sensitive person. I always have been. so when my parents inadvertently put me down, or give me constructive criticism or whatever, you better believe I'll get upset. I love them so much and I've always hated disappointing them.

5) I am going through a difficult time. I'm just stuck in a rut and that is all. I usually bounce back from the Depressive states and I get better. It's been a pattern, and I always pull through. I fight against my Depression so that I can be happy. It's just sometimes I lose the battle. All I have to remember is that tomorrow is another day. I just go to bed, wake up, and have a clean slate.

After I received this message from her, I was raging so hard I was shaking uncontrollably. If that's really how she sees me, she's got me all wrong.

i've had a thing for guitars since i went through my billy idol phase.

my ex-bf, karl, knew how to play guitar(ish) and he was going to teach me how to play.

i've asked for guitar lessons for 2 years now.

my sister got guitar lessons and a guitar and she quit after 2 weeks.

i love music. my parents say if i loved music, i would have done better in band.

i've asked for guitar lessons for 2 years now and i never get it.

my brother, for his birthday, is getting a les paul electric guitar. he doesn't even fucking play ACOUSTIC. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY ACOUSTIC BEFORE YOU EVEN WANT TO *THINK* ABOUT PLAYING AN ELECTRIC.

if i ask for guitar lessons (again) they're just going to say i'm jealous of my brother or some shit.

i know i'm too old to really be jealous about this, but i'm fucking tired of constantly being left in the shadow for them. i'm so unhappy, i can't even stand it.

So today, I had my job interview at the public library. I have a much better feeling about this job than the job at the tanning salon (which I didn't get). I'm not surprised that I didn't get the job at the tanning salon. To be honest, I'm kind of glad they didn't hire me. They expected me to tan there and indoor tanning just isn't my thing.

I've had library experience from working at the music library at Kent. Plus, the library I applied to, I've been going there since I was 8. When I walked in, they recognized me right away. I had a letter of recommendation that a friend of the family wrote for me. I gave that to them once we sat down and settled ourselves in.

They asked me questions about customer service which I've had a lot of experience in. They told me that they have 2 options for sets of hours. They asked me which option would be the best. I told them that I didn't mind which set, and whatever works best for them. They asked me  about my computer experience and  if I had any. With a grin on my face, I told them that I have been a self-proclaimed nerd since I was about 10 years old. I told them about how an old co-worker of my mom's was very disorganized, so every Saturday I would go to his apartment and be his secretary. They looked pretty happy to hear that.

After they were done asking me questions, they had a shelf of carts. They asked me to put one set of Nonfiction books in order and one set of Fiction books in order. I messed up a couple of times, but I was just nervous. They were good sports about it and I still did really well.

I think they were really pleased with me. After the interview, they told me they would be making calls next week. I asked if I would get a call either way, and they said yes.

My mom wants me to send them a thank you card with my resume attached but I don't want too much overkill. Plus, my application already has my work experience on there.

I feel really good about this interview, but at the same time, I don't want to give myself too much hope. I just don't see any reason for them to NOT hire me. *knocks on wood* So cross your fingers, flist!

it doesn't matter what i do anymore. i can't make these people happy.

i'm so tired of living at home. i'm so sad. i'm so lonely.

i just want to move out.

Oh there are so many. Smooth Criminal is my alltime favorite Michael song. I love the music video for it, I loved his outfit for it, and the song is just so catchy. If you listen really closely to the chorus, you can hear violins playing in the background. It gives me chills every time.

Next to Smooth Criminal is "Black or White". I think the song sends a good message.

Last, my new favorite is Blood on the Dance Floor. The rhythm is catchy and to be honest, he has his aggressive voice on for that song and I like it when he's aggressive. *coughs*

I remember so many memories that were Patrick related. I remember I used to go to my friend's house. We had a routine. We would watch Dirty Dancing and order a pizza. It didn't matter how many times we watched it, we never got tired of it.

Whenever Ghost was on TV, I would make my dad put the remote down and we would watch that damn movie as a family.

I remember when I dated Karl, and he was always so jealous because I loved Patrick Swayze more than him. I remember I went on a time share with his family, and we were in our room cuddling/making out. His mom was watching Dancing With the Stars in the other room. I guess he was choreographing an episode. She called, "LIV! PATRICK SWAYZE IS ON TV!" I remember pushing Karl off of me, jumping out of the room and running to the TV. I just watched him completely enamored as Karl stood by the doorway scowling.

I remember being all triumphant because Edik looked like Patrick Swayze and all my relatives thought so. He bought me a Patrick Swayze poster as a present.

When news that he had the worst kind of cancer slipped out, I just prayed and prayed and prayed. He was doing so good. I was so proud of him.

My condolences go out to his wife, Linda.

I loved you so much, Patrick. You and Michael Jackson were my teenagehood. Rest in peace.

Dear neonkarlgiraffe,

The whole reason why you got LJ was to lurk my LJ when it was friends only. Then you made like 4 posts or something.

But then we broke up. Well, you broke up with me. Considering that we don't even talk anymore, MAYBE IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA IF YOU FUCKING DELETED YOUR DAMN JOURNAL. 'CAUSE I HATE HAVING TO GO TO MY FRIENDS LIST AND ADD PEOPLE AND YOUR STUPID USERNAME STILL SHOWS UP UNDER MY FLIST.

WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN LIKE 3 YEARS. >:|

kbye

Oh P.S. It's not like he's gonna read it xD I doubt he even remembers what his password is.

Hi everyone :) Just wanted to let you all know that I am having a blast in Cape May. It is absolutely beautiful and part of me really doesn't want to leave on saturday :(

Anyway, I miss you guys SO FUCKING MUCH and can't wait to tell you all the details when I get home/participate in the MJ party posts again. I will talk to you all on Saturday!!

xoxo
Liv

P.S. BTW, ONTD PARTY PEOPLE, GUESS WHO JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK?!

( YOU FIND OUT HERE )

I love how I literally don't have to do anything and I get bitched about. I'm sick of this bullshit. I'm crying and I don't even know why.

I miss Michael.

- So I decided to buy a Paid account. Hopefully by buying a paid account I will be inspired to update more. I'm definitely using my LiveJournal more than I have.

- I'm still trying to find a different job. I'm absolutely miserable at the job I'm at now. :\ I really need something fulltime with benefits.

- It's really windy outside right now. I don't know if I"m going to be able to sleep. I'm not able to sleep when the wind is so windy.

- I've been spending a lot of time over at ONTD. I can't help it. I really like it there. The people there are really nice and they make me laugh :) I feel kind of guilty because I've been spending so much time over there and not really talking to my bf as much, hahahaha. He knows about it and he thinks it's funny. Oh well. XD

- I'm going to be going to Cape May, NJ on Saturday. I leave at 6 in the morning. omg it's gonna suck so bad getting up that early, but I can always sleep in the car. I'm worried about myself though, lol. When my mom went there for the first time, she quit her job right when she came home. I can definitely see myself doing that.

That's all I can really think of. My internet connection is acting really funky and it's putting me in a bad mood, so I'm saying goodnight.

It has been a long time since I have posted anything.

I've been trying to formulate my words in regards to Michael Jackson's death.

I became a fan of his when I was 14 years old. I don't even remember how or why I became a fan. I think it was because in 8th grade we went to the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame as a field trip and there was a Michael Jackson exhibit. I THINK that's what started it, I can't remember.

Anyway, I was crazy into him. Every Saturday morning we had to do chores, and every Saturday morning I would pop in the Greatest Hits CD I got for Christmas. I JAMMED to that. I remember when the music video to You Rock My World came out, and while his looks had changed DRASTICALLY, he still looked like a GQMF.

Yes, he did things that were questionable, but I honestly believe that he did NOT molest the alleged victims. If you delve into research as much as I did, you'll find out that there was actually more evidence to prove that he DIDN'T commit the crimes, rather than evidence proving that he did. I really and truly believe that the 2005 molestation charges are what killed him "spiritually"

He became sort of a joke over the next few years leading to his death. The people that I associated myself with didn't see him as Michael Jackson, the musical genius anymore. They saw him as Michael Jackson, the child molester. Michael Jackson, the guy with no nose.

So, I never really outed myself as a fan. I thought people would make fun of me for it. I've always been a very timid person as is. Then, he announced his series of concerts. This reignited my love for him. This is what made me dive into so much researching about him, and I truly fell in love with him. Not "romantically", that'd be kind of...weird, LOL. But, I just developed a sort of fondness of him. And his stage presence was just...I can't even describe how phenomenal it was, and how much I would give to have seen him in concert.

When I received news that he was dying, I rushed to CNN. My eyes were glued on the television. I didn't eat until I found out his outcome. I burst into tears when I found out he was dead. It makes me so angry that all these newscasters that made fun of his lifestyle, made fun of HIM were now being so kind, when the fact is that these assholes contributed to his spiritual death. He was a joke to the media, a hasbeen.

It still hasn't hit me that he's gone. There are all these specials on him and it hits me really hard. There shouldn't have been specials about him as a result of his death; there should have been specials based on how fucking amazing he was. The fact that he loved his fans, was one of the most charitable celebrities out there, the fact that he gave back so much of what he had received.

I miss him so much, and every night it hits me that my teenagehood idol is gone and he's never coming back.



^ My favorite picture of him
I love you, Michael. I'm so sorry I ever doubted you.

Thank you to vinyamar for giving this to me!

Character meme!! vinyamar gave me Richard Alpert because she knows what I like. ;) LULZ

( What's happening, is, you're bleeding to death. )

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=404277>1=28103

Fuck. He's so fucking gorgeous I can't stand it. a;ldtkhjalthjahjl;dfkj;ldsFJ;LAERJ;ALDFBN,M.VNKsjfn Had I known he was in Desparate Housewives I would probably watch it. Just for him. Seriously. UGH. So hot.

Anyway, today I have been doing very adult like things! Balancing my checkbook, going to the bank, composing a grocery list, and will soon be doing the laundry. Easter sunday, I went to my grandma's house with my relatives. :) It was really nice and the weather was BEAUTIFUL. It didn't snow like last year. *rolls eyes*

As we were driving home, we passed the apartment building that I really want. It looks so nice, just like in the pictures. I'm crossing my fingers so hard that I get this. I know that getting out in the real world is going to be a struggle at first, but I think I'm strong enough to be able to succeed.

In other news, I'm still looking for another job because I'm sick of working at the place I'm at now. I've already applied to a few other places, so we'll see. I'd love to work at Petco. So, we shall see. ^_^

People are so funny. Especially when they love to instegate and try and piss me off but it obiously doesn't work because I, you know, HAVE A LIFE. Well, I also have bigger things to worry about. :D

By the end of the summer I'm going to be making some big changes in life. Hopefully, one of those changes will be my job. For those of you that don't know, I have been working at a grocery store for the past 9 months. For a while, I actually enjoyed it. It wasn't so bad, up until they moved me to the cosmetics section. Mind you, cosmetics is suckTASTIC. I do nothing there. It's boring. I hate it.

After cosmetics, they moved me to customer service which was faster paced and much more enjoyable. However, that didn't last long. They stuck me back in cosmetics, which was eh. Whatever, y'know?

They promised me the job as a cashier supervisor, which was the job I've wanted for months. I was so excited to finally get this job. Unfortunately, they changed their minds and I'm now working in...the meat department.

Okay, okay, so it's not THAT bad. I mean, sure, it's cold and it's smelly, but other than that, it could be much worse. I just don't like that they took back the verbal contract I had with my manager. It's a pain in my ass and they just don't appreciate all the hard work I have put forth the past 9 months. So, hopefully, in the next couple months, I can find something that is closer to home, with health benefits which is something I REALLY need.

I will be taking summer classes this year, something I am very thrilled about. I have always wanted to go back to school and now I will be getting my chance. Hopefully, once I can get my education back on track, I can start going to school full time. Choosing a major will be difficult, though. I don't think I could be an English major. My mom thought about broadcasting since I DJ on a web stream over the weekend...we'll see.

And finally, FINALLY, the final news is that I'm moving out of my parents' house by the end of the summer :) I am so, so excited to be doing this. It's going to be weird, I will give you that. But it's something that I'm so excited to do. To be able to close a chapter of my life and start a new one. An independent one. I love my parents dearly. My mom is my best friend, but I swear, they all drive me crazy in that house!!

It's 3:20 in the morning and my thoughts are all jumbled so I hope you were all able to be able to make sense of this entry. :) Good night, everyone.

OMG HEATH LEDGER WON THE GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATION. I AM CRYING.

Okay before I go in to detail about this blog, I have to make a disclaimer. I have been dating this guy for about 2.5 months now. His name is Adam, he lives in Michigan and he is a wonderful guy. He makes me really happy and words can't describe how well we compliment each other. Oh, and he lives only 3 hours away from me, woot!

With that said...

A couple nights ago, I had a dream about Karl. Even after all these years I'm still dreaming about him. And in each and every dream, we reconcile and we become friends, instead of what we are now.

I dunno. I kind of miss him. I am aware of the way he treated me after the break up, but it was my fault. I was angry. I was young. I was confused. He was the first guy I had ever loved and I was so convinced that I would never love someone else like I did with him. After he broke up with me, I tried to turn his friends against him. That's the reason he stopped talking to me. I took the break-up so bad...I threatened to kill myself, I'd be crying, and it was like that constantly. He finally just blocked me from everything.

We used to be really good friends. Before we started dating. I miss the way we'd talk and I miss the way we'd make each other laugh. The last time I tried contacting him he sent me a message telling me I'm nothing but a lying bitch that does nothing but start drama. That was about 2 years ago and I haven't contacted him ever again.

I feel guilty that I'm still thinking about him even though I'm in a relationship now. But he was my first love. I wish we could at least become friends.